Let's Talk About: Family vs relatives (Part II: Forgiveness)

Read part I here first!

Continuing from yesterday's post, on the topic of "family" vs "relatives".  A quick brush up:

"Relative" applies to those related to you by blood, or by marrying those who are. 

"Family" applies to those that you truly care about on a personal level; there is a mutual bond of love and trust. These people will always be there for you, and will always love you.

   As I said in the previous post, I hate negative feelings, but, there are some instances where it can't be entirely avoided. However, I am a huge fan of forgiveness. I will share a snippet of my own story.  About two years ago from the time of writing this, somebody that I didn't like to start with did something that just made me blow up. If you know me personally, you'd know that I am generally very happy and hard to upset. But what this person said was not only very horrible in of itself, but also ripped open a mental wound while I was already hurting, and my dark side took over. He hit on one of the only exposed nerves I had. Let me just say that this person and I were both lucky the event happened over the phone, or else who knows what I would have done.

   He is still a horrible person, and always has been. Never once has he apologized, nor asked for my forgiveness, but I forgive him. Just because you forgive someone, that doesn't mean you have to suddenly "like" them. I forgive what he's done, but I do not like him as a person, and dislike to be around him. It's not because of what he did (as I said, I do honestly forgive him), it's because of the fact that he brings bad energy with him and I don't need that negativity in my life. It takes a LOT for me not to like someone, and I will not get into what's "wrong" with this person, but know that you don't have to like someone personally in order to forgive them.  This person is related to me (via marriage), but he is in no way my family.

 This person is an example of three things:

  1. You don't have to like someone personally to forgive what they've done.
  2. Relative does not automatically equal family.
  3. There are always going to be people you don't like, and people that don't like you. 

  The best way to get negativity created by other people out of your life is to forgive what they've done, and move on. It's as simple as that. Accept #3 above, forgive their wrong doings, and move on. You are not obligated to "like" the person, or go out of your way to please them or spend time with them, but truly forgiving them will lift a burden off your own shoulders. If you're holding a grudge, you're putting out negative energy. The only person you're hurting is you. Forgive them, and put them from your mind. If they show no remorse, waste no energy on thinking about the person; they are nothing to you. If they sincerely ask for forgiveness, give it wholly, and rest easy knowing they are sorry for what they've done. It may take time to be ready to forgive someone, but over time, you should always do so, even if they don't deserve it.

  I will say once more: forgiving someone does not always mean being palsy-walsy or being around them. It simply means you forgive them for what they've done. If you feel someone is bringing negative feelings into your life, do what you should do with any other source of negative energy: avoid! You don't need that kind of feeling in your life.

  It is your own prerogative to like, dislike, or feel neutral on someone because of how they treat you or others, but remember that holding grudges only hurts you. If you have to, forgive them, then put them from your mind. They contribute nothing to your life.

Forgive them, move on. 

-Queen Werandra